Vigil
by Tvist
Summary: Aftermath of s7e9, Absolution. Hailey keeps vigil.
1. Chapter 1

AN: this is short and rough. But I need Jay to be okay in the end.

Vigil

Bruises stained his skin, some speckle of blood was still stuck in his stubble, even if the nurse had tried to clean him up. He was resting, breathing, mouth slack, lips slightly parted beneath the mask covering providing oxygen. His right eye still swollen but better than before, eyelashes dark against pale skin.

Hailey shifted in the chair she hadn't left for hours. Ever since she'd found Jay lying on the floor of that warehouse gasping for a breath, struggling to stay with her she had remained with him, as close as she could get.

Hours of surgery, repairing torn blood vessels, repairing destroyed lung tissue, she'd waited for him. When he'd been moved to the ICU in a drug induced coma not even breathing on his own, she'd been there waiting for him.

The others had come and gone, Will a constant companion most of the time, but now late in the evening of Jay's third night she was alone. Just Jay and her, the nursing staffs regularly checking on him was the only thing disturbing them.

Jay looked peaceful, like he was finally sleeping, not in a drugged state, chemicals keeping him under.

Ethan had extubated him a few hours ago, letting them have a minute of interaction with Jay. Pain radiating off him as he coughed when the tube was pulled, his confused look around the room before his eyes closed of their own volition, not able to stay awake. The exhaustion dragging him back under.

Hailey stretched, her eyes still on Jay, waiting for a sign he was waking up, coming back to them. Standing up she moved closer to the bed, leaning over the bedrail, her hand on his cheek, feeling his warm skin, alive.

Something changed then, his eyes moving behind closed lids. Jay's head turning into her hand, like he was seeking out her touch.

"Hey…. come back to us Jay," Hailey whispered, her hand travelling up into his hair.

"Hmm," his breath fogged up the mask covering his nose and mouth.

Hailey's heart speed up as his eyes fluttered open, greenblue eyes searching and finding her.

"Hi…Jay, you're okay…"

His hands travelled, searching up to his face, pulling at the mask.

"No, no, you need that, just relax Jay," Hailey had to smile at him, recognizing the frustrated look on his face when she stopped his hands.

The short moment of lucidity was gone within a minute, eyelids drooping, breathing evening out. Hailey kept standing, her hand holding on to his, watching him, amazed he was still with her.

She knew Jay still had a long road ahead, but she felt like he'd finally turned a corner. Jay was back with them. He was going to be okay.

Sitting back down she continued watch him sleep, keeping vigil.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: thanks for the feedback on the first part of this. I had to write Jay's point of view. Still rough and short as I don't really have time to write these days. But here it is. Hope you enjoy, let me know if you do, maybe inspiration will strike again.

Jay is floating, there's a lid on everything, sounds muffled, it's like the world is on mute and he's just drifting along. Time skips, there are moments when he's sure he's about to break the surface of wherever he is, but he's pulled back under again.

There are short moments where he feels like there's something he should be doing, something important, but he can't grasp it. His brain is filled with cotton most of the time, when it isn't his head hurts, making him feel sick to his stomach but it doesn't last long, the fog always swallows the pain and silences everything.

He comes back to himself and his body more each time he almost reaches the surface. Jay can make out voices. Will is there, then there's Hailey, talking to him. He can't make them see that he's hearing them, not able to break the fog, and come back to them. The tube invading his mouth and throat makes him unable to make sound. He tries to move but his limbs are too heavy, he recognizes the feeling of heavy drugs dulling everything down. Jay doesn't like drugs, but when the pain in his chest starts to make itself known he's happy to have them.

Air pushing into his lungs making his chest expand starts to hurt. There's a stabbing sensation on the left side of his chest that is synchronized with his breathing. Not able to move he can't get away from it.

Flashes of fighting with a knife in his hand comes back to him and he knows something horrible has happened. He can't get to it though, his head aching when he tries to access his memories.

Jay gets to have a moment of lucidity when Ethan Choi breaks through the fog, startling him, lifting Jay's eyelids shining a light in his eyes, making his brain explode in pain. Hands holding on to his arms as the tube in his throat is pulled, making Jay cough, excruciating coughs, that makes black dots start to swirl in his vision, obscuring Hailey, but he can hear her, feel her presence. Small hands holding his arm, stroking soothingly.

Finally, able to control his breathing on his own, he tries to get his bearings, look around the room, identify and understand what is going on. Exhaustion drags him under before he can figure it out. Before he can tell them he's sorry.

The second time the fog lifts it quieter. His body isn't in agony, just the exhaustion trying to drag him down, weighing on his chest, making it hard to breathe deeply.

He tries talking when he feels a hand in his cheek, but all he can do is lean into it, grateful for the warmth it brings, as he feels so disconnected and alone in the dark.

"Hey…come back to us Jay"

Jay can recognize Hailey's voice. He want's to come back to her.

"Hmm.." Jay tries to make himself known, but he can't form words, his mouth dry, lips not able to shape words.

Jay tries to get his eyes to open, his lids so heavy he must work on it. Trying to focus on his surroundings is difficult, the light hurts his head. He finds Haley, right there by his side, her hand still on his cheek, pushing up into his hair, smile on her face.

Moving his hands, he explores his surroundings. He's on a bed, there's leads and tubes snaking around him, a mask covering his nose and mouth, feeling air flow on his face, he wants to talk to Hailey. Jay's hands move to pull at the offending object, but Hailey stops his hands before they can get to it.

"No, no, you need that, just relax Jay," she hangs on to his arm, smiling at him, making him frustrated because he wants to talk to her.

He keeps staring at her, feeling her warm hand, her presence makes Jay feels safe, he's okay. The exhaustion is weighing him down too soon though. Jay can't keep his eyes open much longer, blinking is an effort, so he slips under before he can tell Hailey how sorry he is.

Jay hangs on to the hand holding his for as long as he can before sleep claims him again.


	3. Chapter 3

A_N: Someone wanted Will's pov. Here it is. Hope it doesn't disappoint. This is rough and unbetad, sorry for any mistakes. English isn't my first language._

_3._

Seeing Jay brought into the ED had Will feel like the floor dropped and he was in midair. Maggie had tried to push him into the doctor's lunge, to remove him from seeing Jay looking half dead, but he'd pushed her aside. Following the gurney into the trauma room he observed the coordinated movements from his colleagues, working on his brother.

Jay was barely conscious, fluid resuscitation and oxygen keeping him alive and for the time being awake. The gunshot wound was covered by red stained dressings, but Jay's heaving chest and the pain and anxiety on his face was what made Will move towards the bed they'd move him to.

"Jay? There's a lot of people here, we're going to help you, just try to relax, alright?" Ethan was speaking, trying to let Jay know what was going on.

Will couldn't find his voice, still shocked by seeing Jay like this. He was used to blood, grave injuries but seeing Jay was different.

"No breath sounds on the left, prep for a chest tube, prepare to intubate, hang a unit of blood, and tell the OR we're coming up as soon as possible." Ethan seemed clear headed and calm in what Will felt was a storm.

Will moved to the head of the bed, where Natalie was managing Jay's airway and was helping to prepare for the chest tube.

"Will, come on… you're his brother, you shouldn't be here for this." Natalie tried to move Will away.

Jay was struggling for each breath, as the bullet had punctured his lung, he was desperately trying to get oxygen, his mouth wide open, his eyes meeting Will's were frantic.

"We need a central line, Natalie?" Ethan looked at both Will and Natalie.

"On it," Natalie turned away to get the supplies and place a line, as Will helped get Jay ready for the chest tube.

"Jay? I'm here, okay…I'm going to move your arm, so that Ethan can help you breathe better. The bullet punctured your lung, we need to re-inflate it."

Jay's eyes were roaming the room, his oxygen deprived brain was making it difficult for him to stay with them anymore.

Will lifted Jay's arm and placed it above his head, making room for Ethan to wash the area, then he put a scalpel to his brother's skin and make the incision to make way for the tube that was going to save his brothers life.

"Get him something for pain, please, Ethan..." Will could feel Jay's body tense from the pain as the tube was pushed inside the pleural cavity. Jay's eyes were closed, lips turning blue.

"Yeah, pushing Fentanyl now, let's get him ready for intubation, etomidate and sux, be ready to push the drugs." Natalie was back beside Will taking over monitoring Jay's airway.

"His sats are coming up to 90%, get another BP reading, preoxygenate and then tube him Natalie. We need to get him up to the OR."

Will was pushed aside, left to watch as Jay was put under general anesthesia and intubated. Ethan continued to work on Jay, the secondary examination finding just bruising and the head wound to the back of Jay's head. The gunshot wound was first priority, so as soon as Natalie was done, they were moving towards the OR.

As they moved his brother through the door to the operating rooms Will was pushed away, not allowed to follow him any longer.

Turning he found Hailey standing there. He hadn't noticed her before, too focused on Jay to see anyone but his brother.

Hailey looked wrecked, her hands and clothes bloody, Jay's blood. Will felt sick, the adrenaline dump was fading, his brain and body catching up to each other.

Jay was in surgery, gunshot wound to the chest, the seriousness of the situation was dawning on him, making his hands shake.

Pushing his hands into his pockets Will walks back to the waiting area, he could see Jay's colleagues already there. Sitting down he chooses to sit beside Hailey, the one he knows is closest to his brother.

"Is he going to be okay?" Hailey's voice is low, making Will wonder if he heard wrong. But when he turns to meet her eyes the tears threatening to fall makes him sure he heard right.

"I... ah…I'm not sure, he uhm…his lung was collapsed…he was losing blood, and so I…I don't know." Saying it out loud was difficult, as it forced the doctor part of him to assess the damage the bullet could have done to his brother's body.

xxxxxxxx

The next three days were a waiting game. The surgeons were hopeful that Jay would recover, but only when he was awake would they know for sure how he was. Ethan kept pushing Will to take breaks to go home, to sleep, take a shower and eat. Hailey stayed with Jay most of the time.

Will got a text from Ethan when Jay had been extubated, telling him his brother was doing good, that Hailey was still there so Will could take the night off at home. Jay was still heavily drugged so he would most likely be sleeping the night away.

Hailey called later in the evening, telling Will about Jay's first lucid moments and how he'd seemed like himself, frustrated and stubborn. It made Will smile even if he was still worried about what was ahead for Jay.

Will made his way up to the ICU on day four when it was still early morning. The nightshift was still on, the lights in the hallways still dimmed down, patient rooms as dark possible as patients were encouraged to sleep.

He'd brought coffee and bagels, knowing Hailey had spent the night. Stopping by the nurse's station he was told it had been a quiet night for Jay, only a bit restless when the pain meds had started to leave his system. He was breathing on his own, just requiring oxygen on a nasal cannula during the night.

Will sneaked into his brother's room, the quiet beeping from the monitor above the bed the only noise in the room along. Jay was still pale, but he looked better without the tube down his throat. He had turned a corner. The chest tube was still in place, but Jay's lung wasn't leaking air anymore, so they planned on removing it today.

"Hailey…. Hey, wake up…" Will moved closer to the chair she was sleeping in, close to his brother's bed, her hand under the bedrail holding on to Jay's arm.

She woke slowly, hair in s messy ponytail her face scrubbed free of any makeup.

"Hi, Will, you're early." Sitting up she looked over at Jay, whispering so they wouldn't wake him up.

"Yeah, had to see how he was doing for myself. Brought you some breakfast and coffee." Will smiled as he sat down the food and drinks on the table.

Turning to his brother he couldn't help but smile at the sight of his crazy hair and stubble on his chin. He looked ten times better then just two days ago.

Checking the monitors, he could see that Jay was doing okay despite being on a ventilator less than 24 hours ago.

"He's been mostly quiet, restless and in pain just couple of times, they gave him some morphine an hour ago or so," Hailey stretched and grabbed a bagel and coffee.

"Yeah? Did appear okay though? Lucid?" Will knew Hailey understood what he was getting at. Jay was prone to nightmares he'd even had a flashback or two from is day's as a ranger. They were few and far between but if his demons were to reappear this was definitely something that would make them appear.

"Yeah, just a bit sluggish from the drugs, but he seemed okay."

They sat in silence as Jay slept, relived he was still there with them, and hopeful he would make a full recovery.

Hailey left to go home as Will stayed, waiting to finally be able to talk to him. Those moments in the ED was still replaying in Will's head and he longed to talk to Jay again.

Will noticed Jay was waking up by the monitor showing that Jay's heartbeat and respiration was speeding up. Standing up he moved in closer to look at Jay as he was climbing back awake. His brother was showing signs of pain, the lines between his eyes, his head turning as he groaned, arm moving to his side where the chest tube entered.

"Jay…wake up…" Will put a hand on Jay's head, his fingers threading through his brother's hair.

"Hey, there you are…" Will greeted Jay as his eyes finally opened and met his.

"You're okay…" Will could tell Jay was confused for a second as he tried to get his bearings.

"What…" Jay's voice was gravelly from the endotracheal tube, and he winced as he tried to move on the bed.

"You're at med, you were shot, remember?" Will moved his hand to the nape of Jay's neck. Jay just nodded in affirmation, his head moving in Will's hand.

"How'd you feel?" Will tried to keep eye contact with Jay as he tried to assess how he was.

"Hurts," Jay's eyes closed as he seemed to gather his strength, "is Angela okay?" Will wasn't surprised by the question, as he'd been told what had happened.

"She's fine, full recovery." Will smiled at Jay trying to make him relax. But he wasn't prepared for the tears filling his brother's eyes.

"Hey, Jay, it's okay, you're the one we're worried about." Will knew Jay had felt bad about Marcus, Hailey had told him everything the first night when they'd finally been left alone to watch over Jay after the surgery.

A sob shook Jay's body, tear finally spilling. Will didn't know how to console him; he knew no words would be enough.

Leaning over, careful not hurt Jay he hugged him, feeling the tremors as Jay cried.

"Shhhh, it's okay, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Jay," Will could feel the grief in his brother, the anguish he usually kept deep inside was spilling out, as his walls were down.

Will kept Jay close until he could feel his body relax and sleep finally claimed him again.

Feeling drained he sat back down when he was sure Jay was sound asleep. He was so happy Jay was back with them, that he was going to be fine, but he was more concerned about his brother's state of mind then anything else. The fact that he was still on heavy painkillers was one explanation for what had just transpired, his brother's guilt another.

Will made a promise that day. A promise to not let Jay hide behind his walls alone, and to make sure he didn't fall into a hole he couldn't get out of, and if he did, he'd pull him out of it.

AN2: posted this a while back, got no feedback at all so I took it down. But I've decided to put it up again, as some of you hva asked for more... I'm not really a writer, and I'm very self-concious of letting you all read this. Hopefully I won't loose my cool and delete this again! Sorry!


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